Saturday, June 26, 2010

When Should I fart and When I should not


I want to fart

When you should not fart:


1> In front of your Girl friend who is less than 2 months old.

2> In front of your boss who is taking your interview.
3> In front of your gym trainer

4> In a bar when the girl has not said yes yet.

5> During sex. It shows you are not that into it.

6> In disco, it attracts desperate women.

7> In front of your wife whom you has just pissed off by saying no for tomorrow’s dinner
8> In front of your old mother in law.
9> In front of a Japanese gay.
10> When you are alone and in front of a mirror – it shows you are lonely


When you should fart:
1> In front of your father in law

2> Female clients who have already liked your work

3> In front of your colleagues earns significantly less than you

4> In your tuition class – to show you are not linking it

5> In front of your father – to show I don’t care

6> In front of tourist guide and say that is the way you say “thank you” in your country

7> After having a bad sex ---- to show it was like this.

8> After having a great sex --- to show you are relaxed

9> In front of a 4-5 years old kid --- it’s funny

10> In front of a prostitute --- it shows you are charging too much.


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sexy thoughts after Couple of beers


Sexy thoughts after Couple of beers


Rabindranath Tagore did not get the opportunity to have coffee in Starbucks. I got. After spending exactly one year in India’s hottest city Chennai (temperature) I heard the horn of life-ship again. Company thought about me again. Not because they think I am the right person but because I am the only person who is ready to make his hands dirty with that level of shitty work. My voyage took me to Singapore. I was crying in Chennai. 45 degree temperature. No beer. Somebody theft my i-pord , so Jazz music also waved “bye bye” to me. Left me Alone. Don’t know how many times I have told people I don’t want to get married and thousand big big words. I am not sure they are false or not but yes!!! in the raffle’s Plaza ( Singapore’s most happening place ) when I see a lonely 45 years old British guy is looking at the stagnant ocean helplessly , I feel scared. I guess my heart is doing some conspiracy with me. It is making a big egoistic expectation from the God which will practically never come true and when my mind will get to know about all these, it will be too late. There is no free boon in this bloody earth.
Finishing one beer:
I am writing it from
Clarky Quay, Singapore. I met my client with my boss and then came here. Alone. In Chennai it is difficult to see a fair girls and in small skirts??? No way. Singapore is just opposite; all the girls are fair and difficult to get girls who are not showing their healthy legs. I love white girls' legs, they are quite open and having no pain to show her body parts to frustrated people like me. It is kind of social service. It gives my mind a free passport to shoot a porn movie with them. I undress them slowly and suddenly stop everything on the 5th button of her top. I look at her eyes. Dreamy. Confused. Why should I get fucked by this thin, ugly looking and nasty Indian guy? I pause and give her time to find the answer. Let her mind also do the same conspiracy.Puzzled girl closes her eyes. And let her body go. Sex makes a girl river and a guy mountain. Drenched mountain takes the lead and rules her with a breast bite and throws her on the bed. It is sex, not love girl!!!! You better understand. Shriek to melt me, stop me. May be it will work for this ugly Indian guy.
I never thought but I will be missing Chennai. Never. But something (not sure it is Chennai or not) is missing in my life. That late night sound of pumping the tubules for a single drop of water, ladies’ fighting for the municipality water at 2 o’clock in the night and you know what (Singapore style) , in this bloody earth the most infamous obedient animal is called husband. So, husbands used to join this fight after sometime. They fight will change the direction and move towards the husbands. In the mean time ladies will solve their problems and manage the water very coolly. I have seen these things for 6-7 months. I should miss it. After all they are Indians. What???? What am I writing??? Indian??? What is the meaning of this word, I don’t know. A south Indian hates a north Indian, a Delhi auto driver (north Indian) wants to fuck a south Indian because he or she does not understand HINDI. Is it called India?? We always talked about India, never focused Indians. That’s why 60% of the rapists in India are ” The” Army people.


Finishing the 4th beer:
She left. I could not even see her face carefully. The girl who was there on the table next to me, left. I fucked her on that table only. She was with her boyfriend. Fuck she was having a ring, may be wife. Come on she will not become pregnant, I fucked her in my mind. I put her ass back on the table; saw her husband come boy friend was having dinner on the opposite side. I stole a glace on him. He was just like a robot, still and indifferent. He wanted to do lots of things but it’s my dream. I am the KING and it’s my Kingdom.