Last Part
I replied:” Ok I will do it but when you need that?”
She waved “in next 2 hours, if your result does not match with your mind you are gone.”

“But how you will know what I am going to you is correct or wrong”, somehow I managed this much of courage.
“You are just a penniless kid. Asshole I am a Goddess. I know what you have in your mind. I know the relative’s name whose big boobs you fantasize in your dreams. I know you want to sleep with Munmun Sen and her daughter Riya Sen in same bed. I know you expect a wonderful red pussy from Ramina Sen but let me tell you, she is a perfect whore and her lower portion is really black. How come you missed her that mms with Asmit patel?? I just want to listen everything on your voice”.

I was stunned. So she knows everything. Though my mind is quite immune to think all this fucking ideas but my ears were really feeling bad to listen those stuffs. I know these things are shit and I am sure you also have those in your mind. Because I am Lorenzo von Matterhorn, I have the courage to write all this.
She left the room after giving me a laptop with office 2007. I sat down coolly and started thinking what s happening. Very soon I found that everything was happening for a reason and it was no doubt a good exercise to understand the crazy part of my life. I know I am egoistic but that was first time when I was planning to tell myself “yes, you are fucking stubborn to yourself” . So, I started. First is C = Context.

Context = Easy, My life is fucked. I don’t like my life. If I want to be brutal to myself, I have say “God, if this is life I don’t want any part of it. Take it away from me, opps!!! Forgot I don’t believe in God.“ – WOW that a really good start. I clapped on my wonderful virtue to explain my life’s situation to myself.

Concern: That was the first time; I felt the stones in my heart. I know the problems but just can’t articulate it correctly. Let’s try.
1> I don’t have anything to get attached in my life.

a. This has happened because I never got a very good friend. I always followed the steps which were necessary to make my future secure. I will not say that I had never got a mind that was ready to take risk but the fact is, life is as complicated as tensor algebra. So, you can’t always the path which shows sum of 3 angles of a triangle is equal to 180 degree.

It does not work when you draw the triangle on the surface of a football. Life is just like that. I just followed the most conservative path and got a decently good life. That “decent” word is now killing my life.

b. I never shared myself in front of the other people. Not even only once. Though my friends (all are guys) say that I am an open book, I know I never felt the pleasure of explaining myself to anyone. I left no plain untried in this but all went in vain.
I left at the altar. Alone. Lonely. A fucking bandit hero.
c. I can’t be harsh with people. Even when I know it will help me.
d. I never cared for myself. Never considered myself as a human. My body and health just behaved like an 1890’s Hindu girl.

e. I can’t say no
f. I want to talk to girls but my subconscious mind pushes me to ask only “Are you a virgin?”
g. I love my parents and always show that I hate them
h. I have too much ego with myself. I can’t bear the pressure but I can’t put my foots down.
i. I want to fuck but some fucking old ideas I could not come over.
j. I feeling lonely in my life but I don’t admit.
k. I am too scared to lose what I have.

That’s all I can remember.
Questions:
a. In my case Concerns and questions are same. The bottom line is Will it change?

Answer:

Suddenly she popped up again from somewhere. Now she was nude. Her body was pinkish white, her milky boobs were healthy and her nipples were grayish black. Surprisingly I was not thinking to fuck her. I wanted to spend some time with her. A cool calm time into her lap. I wanted to taste her vertical lips. She read my mind and waved in a peculiar voice
-“Say it.” I was loud and clear.
-“Impossible, that’s not my culture.”
- “Fuck you. Can’t you see you are not happy??? Why you are so scared??? Forget about the bad / Good and ask me for sex. For God’s sake do some justice with yourself.”
- “Ok Ok , I want to leak your milk.”

Silence for 10 mins. I thought she will slap me but life was not bad this time. She took me in a hug and I did not give her a chance to leave me.
She said .. “’ leave this JOB, Leave this image and leave everything. From your next birthday start a new life. I gave a strong bite on nipple to say thanks.

I came back to my bloody earth don’t know when and why. Thought about all the points and opened the job consultant’s page.

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